It's true what they say. Time does heal.
As it nears the two month mark of the day Jay's short but impressively full life was taken from him, I find myself finally able to talk and write about him without bursting into tears. However, I still don't have the right words.
That November Saturday, I frantically wrote him a letter. All the things I had never said came flooding into my mind and I felt I had to let him know immediately. I burned the letter outside hoping the smoke would carry my words up to him. Now all I have to say to him is... even if I rarely told you with words, I hope I made it clear with my actions.
Maybe next time I'll learn to put my guard down and just let myself feel...
This has been the first time I've dealt with death on such an intimate level. Sure, we've all had grandparents or someone we've known pass away at one point or another. To lose someone I loved romantically and shared a close friendship with was something nothing could have ever prepared me for. Time slowed and ticked agonizingly by. Every night I went to bed praying that I would wake up and that day never happened. But we can never go backwards... only forward. Now, I am oddly at peace. I miss him still and think of him often... but I am no longer crippled by the pain. I know he is in a better place.
I credit him with bringing out the unbridled, carefree girl in me. I had kept this aspect of myself carefully controlled, but he showed me by example how to really live in those few short years I've known him. Life is short. Time never stops for anyone. Coupled with the motivated woman in me, I can truly say my time with him was some of the best years of my life.
I never had anything bad to say about him - a true testament to his character, and this fact still remains true today. His influence will be felt for the rest of my life. I have to live more, and start chipping away at the walls I've long ago put up. Of course, even with this newfound epiphany, I know I still have a lot of growing to do. You can't plan love and life.
I've recently reconnected with someone who gives me a spark similar to what I felt with him. They even share similar initials. A part of me feels it's too soon, but at the same time it has been strangely cathartic. I don't believe in destiny, but I feel like maybe this was something that was supposed to happen. Like I met him for a reason.
Time - what a tricky concept.
Jayant... we met, we loved, and it was incredible. But now it's time for me to let you go. Rest in peace, my friend.
Why is summer so short? 
